BEAT ME OUT OF ME

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 14:00:36 GMT

New journal.

saveme_hereiam

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 18:09:17 GMT

"It's funny how those two simple words, "I promise", will stall anyone for a while."

Might go to an authority zero show tonight. not sure.
other than that nothing is really happening
um, i miss amanda.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 12:55:36 GMT

It's not about:

the clothes
the hair
and the music

it never has been

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:01:08 GMT

"Fight tuberculosis, folks." Christmas Eve, an old
junkie selling Christmas seals on North Park Street.
The "Priest," they called him. "Fight tuberculosis, folks."

People hurried by, gray shadows on a distant wall.
It was getting late and no money to score.
He turned into a side street and the lake wind hit him like a knife.
Cab stop just ahead under a streetlight.
Boy got out with a suitcase. Thin kid in prep school clothes,
familiar face, the Priest told himself, watching from the doorway.

"Reminds me of something a long time ago." The boy, there, with his overcoat
unbuttoned, reaching into his pants pocket for the cab fare.

The cab drove away and turned the corner. The boy went inside
a building. "Hmm, yes, maybe" - the suitcase was there in the doorway.
The boy nowhere in sight. Gone to get the keys, most likely,
have to move fast. He picked up the suitcase and started for the corner.
Made it. Glanced down at the case. It didn't look like the case the boy had,
or any boy would have. The Priest couldn't put his finger on what was so
old about the case. Old and dirty, poor quality leather, and heavy.

Better see what's inside. He turned into Lincoln Park, found an
empty place and opened the case. Two severed human legs that belonged to
a young man with dark skin. Shiny black leg hairs glittered in the
dim streetlight. The legs had been forced into the case and he had to use
his knee on the back of the case to shove them out. "Legs, yet,"
he said, and walked quickly away with the case.

Might bring a few dollars to score. The buyer sniffed suspiciously.
"Kind of a funny smell about it." "It's just Mexican leather."
"Well, some joker didn't cure it."

The buyer looked at the case with cold disfavor.

"Not even right sure he killed it, whatever it is.
Three is the best I can do and it hurts. But since this is Christmas
and you're the Priest..." he slipped three bills under the table into the
Priest's dirty hand. The Priest faded into the street shadows, seedy
and furtive. Three cents didn't buy a bag, nothing less than a nickel.

Say, remember that old Addie croaker told me not to come back unless
I paid him the three cents I owe him. Yeah, isn't that a fruit for ya,
blow your stack about three lousy cents.

The doctor was not pleased to see him.

"Now, what do you WANT? I TOLD you!"

The Priest laid three bills on the table. The doctor put the
money in his pocket and started to scream.

"I've had TROUBLES! PEOPLE have been around!
I may lose my LICENSE!" The Priest just sat there, eyes, old and heavy with
years of junk, on the doctor's face.

"I can't write you a prescription." The doctor jerked open a drawer
and slid an ampule across the table. "That's all I have in the OFFICE!"
The doctor stood up. "Take it and GET OUT!" he screamed, hysterical.
The Priest's expression did not change.

The doctor added in quieter tones, "After all, I'm a professional man,
and I shouldn't be bothered by people like you."

"Is that all you have for me? One lousy quarter G? Couldn't you lend
me a nickel...?" "Get out, get out, I'll call the police I tell you."

"All right, doctor, I'm going." Of course it was cold and far to walk,
rooming house, a shabby street, room on the top floor.

"These stairs," coughed the Priest there, pulling himself up along the
bannister. He went into the bathroom, yellow wall panels,
toilet dripping, and got his works from under the washbasin.

Wrapped in brown paper, back to his room, get every drop in the dropper.

He rolled up his sleeve. Then he heard a groan from next door,
room eighteen. The Mexican kid lived there, the Priest had passed him on
the stairs and saw the kid was hooked, but he never spoke, because he
didn't want any juvenile connections, bad news in any language.

The Priest had had enough bad news in his life.

He heard the groan again, a groan he could feel, no mistaking that groan
and what it meant. "Maybe he had an accident or something.

In any case, I can't enjoy my priestly medications with that sound coming
through the wall." Thin walls you understand. The Priest put down his
dropper, cold hall, and knocked on the door of room eighteen.

"Quien es?" "It's the Preist, kid, I live next door."
He could hear someone hobbling across the floor.

A bolt slid. The boy stood there in his underwear shorts, eyes black with
pain. He started to fall. The Priest helped him over to the bed.

"What's wrong, son?" "It's my legs, senor, cramps, and now I am without
medicine." The Priest could see the cramps, like knots of wood there
in the young legs, dark shiny black leg hairs.

"A few years ago I damaged myself in a bicycle race,
it was then that the cramps started." And now he has the leg cramps back
with compound junk interest. The old Priest stood there, feeling the boy
groan. He inclined his head as if in prayer, went back and got his dropper.
"It's just a quarter G, kid." "I do not require much, senor."

The boy was sleeping when the Priest left room eighteen.
He went back to his room and sat down on the bed.

Then it hit him like heavy silent snow. All the gray junk yesterdays.
He sat there received the immaculate fix. And since he was himself a priest,
there was no need to call one.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 20:20:25 GMT

You Are 25 Years Old

25

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 16:12:19 GMT

I don't..know.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 21:20:37 GMT

I hate people who want to know the dumbest people imaginable. stupid fucks.

Tell your children not to hear my words; what they mean, what they say..

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 16:38:38 GMT

I'm sick as fuck right now. my throat hurts very badly and im coughing so fucking much.

i was supposed to go back to school today.

they can wait 'til tuesday.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 14:59:31 GMT

You scored as Euterpe. You are Euterpe, the muse of music. You are an inventor, and you constantly come up with new ideas. You are happy when everyone else is happy.

</td>

Euterpe

75%

Clio

50%

Urania

50%

Melpomene

38%

Thalia

38%

Erato

25%

Calliope

25%

Polyhymnia

25%

Terpischore

13%

Which of the Greek Muses are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Spend more time surfing porn at work.

Get your resolution here

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:31:03 GMT

I want to fucking die. FUCK 2005.

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 16:13:38 GMT

You scored as Indie. Indie.

</td>

Indie

88%

Classic Rock.

75%

Industrial

54%

Indie Rock

46%

Britpop

33%

Country

33%

Emo & More

33%

Ska

25%

Hardcore

25%

Punk and Pop Punk.

17%

Hip Hop and Rap

17%

Mainstream

Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com

Well happy fucking new years you filthy animals

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 17:21:58 GMT

Hey mother fuckers. Well the new year kind of started off okay, i had to babysit my boyfriend's nephew for 3 fucking hours, then we went to jasons, smoked out of his nice ass two foot glass bong; came back to kyles, got drunk then it got shitty because there's this FAGGOT named JOSH KAST who fucking got us caught. Wow, i've never seen more of a pussy ass drinker in my life, they had raspberry smirnoff vodka, thats all they drank and they didn't even drink that much and he was fucking stumbling like a mother fucker. pussy. i had two jager bombs, 7 shots of normal vodka, and 2 shots of that raspberry shit and i wasn't even shitfaced. Josh, if you read this, FUCK YOU.

oh yeah..happy new year or something.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 22:53:01 GMT

Anyone looking to buy a speaker box with two 8 inch JL audio subs and a dual 340 watt amp for around $100?

ERRR

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 17:43:29 GMT

Last night didn't do really anything except for I hung out with Shrek and Jason and Britni. Smoked some weed and that was about it.

Uh..some partying is going down tomorrow. We're gonna have fun. right amanda?

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 15:53:52 GMT

Why is it everyone's main purpose in life to know as many people as they can?
Fuck I'm trying to stay away from as many people as i can. the less people
the less liable you are to getting hurt, betrayed and pissed off.

How to make a alicea

Ingredients:

1 part competetiveness

1 part silliness

1 part instinct

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a cheapxcoupon

Ingredients:

3 parts anger

1 part courage

3 parts energy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little caring if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 00:38:08 GMT

I was just looking through my journal and saw all the things i said to people about wanting to hang out and what not and realized that none of it ever really happend. I suck.

Really bad coffee and cheap cigarettes

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 22:40:57 GMT

Me and Amanda are hanging out doing absolutely nothing. We have no more weed and the drug dealer is a slow ass. damn.

I miss the comfort in being sad

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 15:58:25 GMT

Well, on christmas eve i managed to down 15 shots and got really sick. It was funny though. Christmas was alright, i guess. I didn't really get anything i wanted, but i dont even like christmas anyways.

Amanda is coming over tonight, woo. She's awesome and we always have so much fucking fun.

The only good thing about Christmas is it's the only day of the year where everyone might seem nicer. It numbs their cold hearts because they are going to get so many presents. FUCK? who wouldn't be happy?

oh wait, i know, me. christmas is for the big hearted.

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 01:54:21 GMT

I just took 8 shots of vodka and i'm not really feeling it. weird. maybe that means i've been drinking too much lately.

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 00:16:51 GMT

Uh, got a big bottle of vodka for cheap, 10 bucks at the liquor store in east wood. :D

so, after im done opening presents with the family i am getting CRUNKED UP!

although i do feel like scrooge, merry christmas i guess...even though i hate the holiday.

actually only merry christmas to those who i like. and you know who you are

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 20:33:59 GMT

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 15:12:16 GMT

I hate everyone[ with an exception for a few people], but overall, i hate myself.

Wouldn't you like to know

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 22:43:28 GMT

got drunk last night, it was pretty fun i guess. but we had to wait for kyle to get home so i started drinking by myself so it wasn't that great until he came back. Uh... got suspended for 10 days and recommended for expolsion. no i don't feel like talking about it, and no i'm not going to tell you.

This is called boredom before school.

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 12:07:11 GMT

THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT ME

x. you have a bf or gf : uh yeah.

x. you have a crush on someone: kyle. :*

x. where do you wish you could live: in a real goddamn city.

x. you think about suicide: not lately.

x. you know more than one language : hahahha. no.

x. you want more piercings : eh yeah, but only in my ears because i lost all my earrings and they all closed up.

x. you want more tattoos : yeah. stars down my back. but i think that's about it.

x. you drink : not really anymore. ocassionally.[sp?]

x. you steal : nah.

x. you do drugs : yeah.

x. you like cleaning : when I'm skeeted.

x. you write in cursive or print: both.

x. you carry a donor card : uh no.

FAVORITE...

x. fav food : italian and chinese.

x. color: purple.

x. number: 13?

x. song: Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam- nirvana

x. thing to talk about: Kyle.

x. candy: Reeses or..hm, jolly rancher lollipops.

x. pop : dr pepper or mr. pibb.

x. movie : there's a couple: clockwork orange, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind[ i finally saw it. it's amazing. Jim Carrey can actually be serious for once.],requiem for a dream, the nirvana dvd "with the lights out", spun, thirteen, labrynth etc.

x. bands/singers : mars volta, at the drive-in, and nirvana. Pink floyd is pretty badass too.

x. holiday : halloween or christmas. christmas would be my favorite if it actually snowed here.

WHAT POPS IN YOUR HEAD…

x. banana: yellow.

x. holes: crators.

x. backstreet boys: hahaha aaron carter. he sued his mom.

x. fingers: finger nails.

x. parrot: stupid birds.

x. coconut: hawaii.

x. green: vote for nina[ a shirt.]

x. red: blood.

x. sleep: sounds good.

x. money: i want some.

x. food: eh not right now.

x. knife: gladiator.

x. giraffes: long necks.

|| THIS OR THAT ||

[Coke/Pepsi:] Coca cola.

[Pen/Pencil:] pen

[Vanilla/Chocolate:] vanilla.

[hug/kiss:] hug.

[lights on/off:] off

[dark/light:] i sleep with a nightlight still.

[rose/lily:] lily.roses are too overdone.

[Dr Pepper/Mt.Dew:] Dr. Pepper.

[McDonalds/Burger King:] Burger king.

[sandals/shoes:] shoes.

[*Nsync/BSB:] BSB

[Britney/Christina:] Britney

[Phone/Computer:] phone.

[Skittles/M'n'M's:] skittles. but i only really like the red ones.

[rich and unhappy/poor and happy:] poor and happy.

[tootsie pops/blow pops:] blow pops

[1 pillow/or 2:] 80

|| Questions ||

-Have you ever...

[cheated on a test:] duh.

[Cut your own hair:] yep.

[Dyed your own hair:] yeah.

[been in a fight:] yeah.

[Skinny Dipped:] yeah.

[Skipped School:] yeah.

[Toilet papered someones house:] no.

[Got toilet papered:] no.

[Been so drunk you puked:] yeah.

[been drunk]: yeah.

[Got in trouble with the police:] nah.

[If so, for what:] nothing.

Yeah I got bored. But I gotta go.

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 22:48:51 GMT

I'm grounded and stuff because of skipping, but im going to be going to school all the time so people be looking for me? Eh not really. but yeah i am going to go to school because there is no way in fuck that i am going to stay grounded and not be able to go out and do nothing.

kyle <3

Hold me, there's too much tension
Grade me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking cornered
Grade me, you might be right

Lightning fucking around in my head
Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up
People freaking every day
White lights inside
What do you want

Cold naked man, picked off his scabs and
Fed them to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Hold me, something's happening
Help me, somebody help me
Hold me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm right here, who are you?

Naked man you say you saw
Fed them, to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him, it might be fun

Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...

Help me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking up
Hold me, some fucking help